figures it would be
raining tonight
just so i would see you at a distance
through pieces of
falling
sky
and how beautiful you are against pale yellow
(and i);
the same fucking song on repeat,
mascara
down
my
cheek,
haven't shaved my legs again for the third
consecutive week
since looking down the barrel
of a gun with no real trigger-
a drive-by with no shooting, the man
who thinks his heart couldn't be much bigger;
six months down but i can't comprehend
this is march,
half a fucking year, but
still bleeding for the arch
of your fingers, the roughness of your hand,
the razor of your spine, how you fractured bones
until i
couldn't
stand;
i will make this something beautiful later &
i will be somebody better soon,
when my body has recovered from the force of a man
(against me) and
from being sliced with shards of light from the uncaring moon.
mother nature, you saw it all and you
fucking just watched, you
didn't strike him dead or split the ground
or even just
let the sky drift down;
but time passes without effort so i
live my life separated from the places that are scarred,
but i know you know
the world is collapsing in on itself
the nights that it rains this damn hard;
i talk to strangers like martyrs when
they remind me of you,
fucking scratch the skin off the flesh when it feels like you
fucking hate between my legs every time i
want to be
near
you.
1.57 a.m. and i free you from my veins with
stained crimson metal, wide valleys, and
words scrawled across some page-
smashing mirrors at midnight before my reflection
implodes
where the cruelty of your lips crosses mine
like a million
beautiful stars
that
can't
shine;
a failure for the lack of response every time
i forget to ask you why or how,
i rise tonight in floodwater, but i can't forget
that you breathe beside her now.

(2003)